my marriage picture assignment for my sociology of marraige and family class

9-25-2003 - 11:36 a.m.

I have this big semester-long project that I have to envision the ideal marraige... here's the assignment... check back periodically to see what I've written... and click here if you want the couples version

"MY MARRIAGE PICTURE" PROJECT FOR SINGLES- John C. Pulver

1. QUALITY OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND MARITAL GOALS-

A.) What kind of relationship do you anticipate: Conflict-Habituated? Passive-Congenial? Vital? Total? ( see article "Five Kinds of Marriage" )

2003 I would, most definitely, strive for total, but I feel that, knowing my tendencies to fight, it would end up a conflict habituated

B.) How do you feel about devitalized relationships? Should partners learn to accept these gracefully, work toward changing them, or divorce?

2003 If change is possible, then I feel both partners should make it their first priority to make that change and repair the damage, but if change is not possible, then both sides should accept that fact and be willing to walk away, to avoid conflict.

C.) In what ways do you want your relationship to change over time?

2003 I want it to grow and be a more meaningful relationship, of course. Someone that is just fun to be around, and someone who is not strivng for attention.

D.) What do you want to accomplish in the first five years of your marriage? Do you think goals are important in a marriage, or do you think things should just happen as they happen?

2003 I totally think that the good things should just happen as they do, although, I would definitely like to have a child within the first five years.

E.) What is your personal definition of love as it applies to a marital relationship? Possibly fill in the blank, "Marital Love is__________"

2003 Absolute and unselfish.

F.) What are your own personal definitions of Co-Parenting, Intimacy, Commitment, Responsibility, Child Discipline, and a "good relationship"?

2 . HOW WILL I KNOW MY RELATIONSHIP IS IN TROUBLE AND WHAT WILL I DO ABOUT IT?

Because spouses change, couples can plan to discuss and revise their picture of what they want as well as adjust their relationship so that it fits each individuals picture more clearly and is more workable.

A.) What do you picture as the signs that would indicate to you that your marital relationship was in trouble?

2003 The severity and topic of fights would be a good indicator. While I feel that conflict makes room for growth and is necessary in all forms of human interaction, we all know that conflict can be destructive. Lying would also be an indicator, because, I've always felt that, in a marraige, if you don't have trust, you don't really have anything.

B.) How often will you review how things are going in your relationship and plan for changes? How will changes be negotiated?

I don't think there should ever be a set schedule for when the relationship is reviewed between both partners. I do, however feel, that both side should be consantly monitoring, in their heads, how the relationship is developing. As for how things should be negotiated, I think they should be negotiated very carefully, with emotions considered.

C.) When should a marriage be dissolved and under what conditions? How long and in what ways would you work on an unsatisfactory relationship before dissolving it?

2003 It should be dissolved once both sides have exhausted all means of repairing the damage. I feel that both sides should work until all means are exhausted before giving up, but no earlier.

D.) Under what conditions would you consider a separation? What would be the purpose of the separation and what tasks would you want to undertake?

2003 Separation should be for the purpose of repairing the damage, it gives both sides a chance to cool down and be alone with their thoughs on the situation.

E.) What will you do if either you or your partner becomes abusive or violent in the relationship with each other or children ?

2003 If I was the person that was becoming violent, hopefully I would be intelligent enough to remove myself from the situation until I could control myself. If it was my partner that was becoming violent, I would definitely remove myself from the situation. I would do the same if there were children involved.

3. KNOWLEDGE OF PARTNER AND SELF-

A.) How similar do you want your partner to be to you?

2003 Not exactly the same, but very similar. I like to have things in common.

B.) How important is it to you to marry within your racial/ethnic background? How important is approval by your family and friends of your choice of a marital partner?

2003 Not important at all. I couldn't really care less about what my family thinks about my partner's skin color or ethnicity.

C.) Will both parties in the relationship try to share all aspects of their history that might affect the relationship, for example former marriages and your own and your families health histories, both physical, emotional, and mental?

2003 That would be a helpful step, and something that should happen naturally over the course of a trusting marriage.

D.) How will you handle a situation where your partner has either lied to you or withheld important information that has really impacted the relationship

2003 I honestly don't know. I know my reaction would be based on the severity of the information.

E.) As you have taken the Idiosyncracy Index, list any idiosyncracies that you would need your partner to change or work on in order for the relationship to be satisfying. What idiosyncracies do you feel you need to change or work on to meet your view of yourself as a dynamic marital partner?

2006 You lost me. I need to go back and find this, if I even still can.

F.) Do you see your ideal partner as being a person who is more extroverted or introverted?

2003 I generally prefer extroverts.

G.) What areas of self awareness or knowledge of self do you feel you need to be settled in before you would make a long-term commitment to a relationship?

It's definitely important to know who you are, and what you want from a relationship, what you think you need to get out of a relationship, and what you feel that you can contribute.

H.) What personal awareness and interpersonal skills do you want your partner to possess at the time you make a commitment to him or her?

Communication is very important. There is also an ability that I feel most people do not have, I being one of those people, it is the ability to look at a negative situation, and imagine the possibility that they might be the one causing it, and take steps to rectify the situation

4. DECISION MAKING AND DIVISION OF LABOR-

A.) Will partners equally share responsibility for earning money? How will funds be allocated? Will there be "his," "her" and "our" money? Will all money be pooled?

I think each partner should contribute what they can, I like the idea of it being "our" money, so, pooling resources would be optimal.

B.) Who will be the owner of family property, such as family businesses, farms, or other partnerships?

Ideally, both of us would be the owner

C.) Will there be a principal breadwinner? Will there be a principal homemaker? If domestic chores are shared, how do you want them allocated; that is, who will cook, clean, make the shopping lists, shop, do laundry, make house and car repairs, do yard work, wash windows, plan entertainment, take out the trash, take care of the finances, pay bills, and perform the other tasks of daily living?

Whoever has the higher paying job would be the breadwinner by default, I would have no problem becoming the principal homemaker, and I would hope that my partner would do the same... whoever is available to do the domestic chores can be the one to do them

D.) During what periods of time or cycles do you anticipate changes in the way you undertake tasks in the family?

I think they would come best at different developmental stages of the family. Naturally, when a child is born, there are new responsibilities, when children grow older, they can be trusted with various tasks, so both of these events would be a good point to re-asses the household chores.

E.) What role will any children have in decision making and in family tasks? What decisions do you see children making that you have in your home during the following age ranges: 6-10, 11-14, 15-19. What family tasks do you see children doing at these ages?

Children should have some part in family decision making, but again, all of that is based on maturity level. Children between ages 6-10 would maybe be involved decisions about where we eat for dinner or something else that has little impact on the family. Children ages 11-14 might decide on whether or not we get a family pet. Teenagers age 15-19 might have a say in moving and living arrangements.

F.) Will decisions be made equally between husband and wife? Which power relationship do you feel you will use: Patriarchal, Matriarchal, Autonomic or Syncratic? (see book)

I think that nearly all decisions should be made equally, because if they affect both people, both people should have a say in what will happen to them.

G.) What will you do if you feel that your partner is treating you like one of the children? What do you picture yourself doing if you discover that you lack decision making ability within your realm of agreed upon responsibility?

I would make steps to correct what I was doing and make myself a responsible partner again. If it was nothing that I was doing wrong, then I would attempt to have a private discussion about it.

H.) What will you do if you feel that you need more power in the relationship?

Discuss, discuss, discuss.

I.) What will you do if you change your mind about who should be making what decisions? What decisions do you need to be in on, and what decisions would you rather that your partner made without getting you involved too much?

I feel that I should have a hand in all decisions that invole what will happen to me, or that will effect me.

J.) In some marriage patterns, it appears that one spouse performs and is skilled at certain tasks, while the other spouse has their separate set of tasks that they perform and are skilled at. What kinds of "cross-training" do you see you and your partner doing in the relationship as far as tasks are concerned?

All tasks should be able to be done by both partners , so when one partner is away, the other partner can perform the tasks in their absence.

K.) What type of power distribution between the parents and the children do you want to have in your home? How will you give them power and decision making over their growing up years?

Parents should have the ultimate authority, but that doesn't mean that they have no say in what happens. I will hear their input and honestly consider it in my decision making processat all stages of their development.

5. RELIGIOUS BELIEFS AND PRACTICES , TRADITIONS, AND EDUCATIONAL GOALS-

A.) What are your religious values? Do you expect your partner to share them? What role will religion play in your relationship? Will you attend church services together? How often?

I actually consider myself to be an atheist, and I don't really expect my partner to have the same views as me, although it would be one less point of concern in the relationship. The role of religion in a relationship would vary with how religious my partner is. I may consider attending church services (for the sake of doing a family activity), but hopefully, not too often.

B.) If you are of a different religion from your mate, whose church will you attend on special religious holidays? What about the children's religion?

I will probably always attend her church for religious holidays since I have no church that I go to on my own. If the children are mature enough to make a decision about what religion they want to get in to, then they are mature enough to go to their own church.

C.) If you are not going to promote any type of religious practice in your family, what values, principles of living or behavior do you want to pass down to your children?

I've thought about this alot, and I'd like to pass down what my grandparents have taught me: hold doors open for people, say hello and smile to people on the street, share, consider other's feelings. There's mnore to it than just that, but I think what my grandparents taught me shaped my life, I would like to pass on what I learned from them to my children.

D.) What are your educational goals? What educational goals do you expect your partner to have? Under what circumstances would you or your partner put aside wage-earning or house-keeping responsibilities to pursue advanced education?

I would like to finish my degree. I really don't care what my partner's educational goals are, just as long as she is sucessful in life and the family wil flourish because of what decisions she has made.

E.)It is important to me that my partner be knowledgeable about which subjects?

United States Foreign Policy in the Middle East, 1940 to Present.

But seriously, I like to talk about politics and current events, I would like my partner to be knowledgeable in my areas of interest, and I would hope that I could be knowledgeable in my partner's areas of interest.

F.) What do you see yourself doing in relationship to the education of your children?

I would like my children to make it as far through school as they possibly could. I would try to keep them from dropping out of school. I would also encourage them to learn another langua

G.) Will we both carry the same surname? Will we hyphenate our name or use a new one? If we have children, what surname will they have?

Whatever surname my partner wishes to carry would be alright with me. Deciding the surnames for our children will be a decision we make together.

H.) What traditions do you plan on carrying on within your home? (these can be cultural, religious and/or family traditions either already participated in or ones you would like to begin)

I don't really have any traditions, we'll have to see what kind of traditions my partner brings with her.

6. RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER RELATIVES-

A.) How will you relate to your own and to your spouse's relatives? How do you expect your partner to relate to them? Are you comfortable referring to your in-laws as "Mom" and "Dad"? Will you expect to share many or most activities with relatives or do you prefer more couple togetherness, discouraging activities with relatives?

I hope I get along with them pretty well, and I think my mom has gotten along pretty well with anyone I've been involved with, so I don't really see that being a problem. I'd only be comfortable with referring to them as "Mom and Dad" if they are comfortable with it.

B.) What kinds of sharing of your space with relatives are you willing to do and under what circumstances?

I have no problem with lending a room to someone in need. A place to stay for vacations or a retreat for arguements or anything like that would be a good reason to stay over, although I really have no problem with them just coming over for no reason at all.

C.) What behaviors will you absolutely not tolerate from relatives in your home? What will you do if you find that your partner is using the behavior of a relative you do not care for as a model?

I will absolutely not tolerate disrespect towards my family or myself. I will also not allow anyone staying in my house to hurt any member of my family in any way, whether it be physically, mentally, emotionally, or sexually.

D.) Will you participate in and encourage family reunions? How will you determine WHICH relatives you want to be close with and which you do not? What are the behaviors that will draw you close to relatives and bring you to wanting to spend more time with them? What behaviors will draw you away?

I love family reunions. Their behavior will determine whether or not I want to be around them.

7. CHILDREN-

A.) Whose responsibility is birth control, and what kinds of contraception will you use?

Birth control is both partner's responsibility. Condoms would be a start, but also whatever my partner is willing to do

B.) What is your attitude toward unwanted pregnancy: abortion? adoption? Keeping the child? What do you want to do in the event of an unplanned pregnancy that takes place in your later child-bearing years, such as your early 40's?

I don't like abortion, I'd rather try to find a solution without abortion. If it wasn't possible to take care of the child, then I feel adoption would be the best thing to do. But that's my opinion, my partner may feel differently. Since she's the one that will be carrying, it will ultimately be her choice on what to do. I'd rather not have a child that late in my life, but since I feel the way I do about unwanted shildren, I think the best thing to do would be to have the child and raise it like any other child.

C.) Do you want children? Is so, how many and how would you like to space them?

I would like children. I'd like all ov my children to be fairly close in age to each other, maybe a year apart.

D.) How will you allocate child-rearing responsibilities and tasks? ( this is different than the "Home Management Tasks" question earlier ) Will either spouse be primarily responsible for discipline? What types of discipline strategies will you use and at what ages?

I think both partners should be responsible for discipline. The whole "wait til your father gets home" tactic doesn't work very well. I'd like to develop new strategies of discipline.

E.) What are some of your values about raising children?

It goes back to the values that I discussed in an answer to a previous question, holding doors open for people, saying hello and smile to people on the street, sharing, considering other's feelings are all things that I want my child to be well-versed in.

F.) Do you see it as acceptable to you for your partner to bring into your relationship children from previous relationships?

How could you not bring a child from a previous relationship? That would be pretty irresponsible to leave a child behind just because you are involved in a new relationship.

G.) If you were to bring a child or children into a relationship with your partner, how do you want your partner to interact with them?

I hope that they would be able to eventually treat the child like they would one of their own. If that's not feasible, at the very least, be friendly with the child.

H.) What behaviors will you absolutely not tolerate from children within your home? Under what circumstances would you consider a child of yours not living in your home?

My children will not victimize other people. And I wouldn't be interested in kicking them out, since most problem can be worked through, but if there was some kind of trouble that they were having where putting them in some kind of institution (i.e. boot camp) would help them, I'd be willing to put them there.

8. EXPECTATIONS FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS-

A.) How would you handle the situation of finding out that your partner has had a sexual relationship with another person? What is our understanding about sexual access to each other? In relation to this sexual access to each other, during what times do see yourselves NOT being sexual with one another?

I don't really know. We're talking about having relations while in the marraige, correct? Is our realtionship repairable at that point? If it is, then I would like to try to fix it, if not, then I'll have to walk away from the whole thing altogether. Do we still have the ability to trust each other anymore? I would always like to have sexual acces, if that's not available, then there would need to be discussion on that and some form of resolution agreed upon.

B.) Evaluate your ability to discuss your sexual needs and desires openly. Are there sexual activities that you consider distasteful and would prefer not to engage in? (Do not list) If so, how would you negotiate this if these activities are NOT distasteful to your partner?

I have a hard time sitting down and talking about what I need out of sex, I find it easier to just blurt it out it as the act is happening. I'm pretty open about new sexual activities, so trust me, I wouldn't be too offended.

C.) How would you expect to deal with either your own or your partner's sexual dysfunction if that occurred?

In the most responsible way possible, seriously. It's hard to say without knowing specifics. I can accomidate without a problem.

D.) What do you agree to do in order to maintain satisfaction in your sexual relationship over the long term commitment of this relationship? Be specific in addressing the different cycles of life and how enhancement can be accomplished during those times.

Keep things interesting and be a giver, those two are important to me at any age.

9. FRIENDSHIPS OUTSIDE OF THE MARRIAGE PARTNERSHIP AND PRIVACY EXPECTATIONS-

A.) How much time and how much intimate information will you share with friends other than your partner?

I tend to kiss and tell. And I like being with friends. I would most likely try to involve everyone in as many activities as possible.

B.) What is your attitude toward friendships with persons of the opposite sex?

I have lots of friends that are the opposite sex that I have no sexual feelings for, whatsoever. I think it's important that my partner understand this and know the friends that I keep.

C.) What is your position about you going to dinner with the opposite sex, with whom you have a friendship or professional relationship? What about your partner?

It's the same to me as having friends that are the oppostie sex, I just want my partner to trust that I won't do anything to jeopardize the relationship.

D.) How much time during a month/week or year do you picture yourself spending with friends you have had prior to the beginning of your marital partnership?

Quite a bit, actually... like I said before, I'd like to involve as many of my friends as possible in as many activities as I can.

E.) How much time alone do you need?

I'm not really an "alone" person, so, not very much.

F.) How much alone time are you willing to allow your partner? What kinds of sacrifices are you willing to make in order that your partner can have the alone time they need?

I am willing to give as much alone time as they think they need. I persoanlly would prefer to be involved with someone who didn't mind my company for a good percentage of the time. Someone who wants to be alone all the time isn't really right for me.

G. ) How will we manage to keep time for ourselves? How will you handle the impact of any children on the privacy needs of both partners?

Dates... My mom can watch the kids. We need time for us, defeinitely.

10 . COMMUNICATION EXPECTATIONS-

A.) How will you regularly communicate with each other so that gaps and misunderstanding do not occur?

I like to talk, alot, and I like to explain myself alot, so between that, most of the gaps should be filled.

B.) What topics and areas do you like to talk about? What areas do you dislike or find more difficult? Are you willing to try to become more comfortable about discussing these?

I'll talk about anything that comes up. Areas I don't like are areas that I generally am wrong about in my opinions. I'm willing to re-evaluate my opinions about these, and hopefully, have better, more stimulating conversation about them.

C.) Do you picture your partner being an initiator of conversation?

I have found that, traditionally, I am the initiator of most conversations.

D.) If communication becomes difficult, will you go to a marriage counselor? What percentage of your income would you be willing to pay for marriage counseling?

Counselling is a possibility that I am not opposed to. I would be willing to pay whatever I had to in order to fix something that I want to fix.

E.) What kinds of things do you see you and your spouse communicating about over the years?

Hopefully, we can communicate about everything. I like to talk about my day, I like to talk about my dreams, and I hope that my partner does to.

F.) Which of your parents is your current communication pattern most like and how do you think this will affect your marital relationship?

G.) When either partner is exposed to a new experience, information, or a new perspective, how do you see this entering into the communication between you and your partner?

I feel that the center of conversation, depending on how much of an impact it had. I am generally excited to talk about such things, so it would definitely be the first thing I talk about in a conversation.

11. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT-

A.) How do you FEEL about conflict? How will we resolve differences of opinion?

Conflict is a necessary part of growth. I don't like it, but it needs to be present at some level for any growth to occur. Hopefully our conflict is nothing more that two civil adults having a conversation.

B.) What strategies will you use to resolve conflict? (see specifics in book) What will you do if you feel you are being taken advantage of? How will you handle disagreements about the children?

Civility. I'd like to talk about problems rather than just jump headlong into a full-blown arguement. I tend to get very angry if taken advantage of, but my problem is that I deal with all of it if I feel like I'm serious about the relationship. I tend to deal with alot of garbage in order to make a possibly failing relationship work. I usually let myself get taken advantage of because I don't want to upset the order of things.

C.) At this point in your life, how do you usually act during a conflict? What do you expect of your partner when you are behaving in this manner?

I tend to yell alot, and I hope that stops at some point. I'd like for my partner not to do the same.

D.) How do you see you and your partner handling conflicts between siblings? (if there is more than one child in the home)

I like to get people to think about what it is that they are having conflict over. I plan on using stategies to make sibling realize what it is that they are fighting about.

E.) What will you do as a couple when things don't seem to be working out right? What mechanism will you create for resolving disagreements? Will you seek counseling for problems, and if so, at what point will you go?

Maybe counselling, maybe taking time off, or maybe something as simple as talking about the problems. I'd seek counselling if I couldn';t figure out what else to do to save the marraige.

F.) In your family growing up, how did your parents handle disagreements? How will this affect how you manage conflict in your marriage?

There was lots of fighting, lots of screaming, and physical abuse. I hope that that never happens in anything that I'm involved in

12. VACATIONS AND TIME TOGETHER-

A.) What kinds of vacations will you take? Will you take couple-only vacations? Will you take separate vacations? If so, how often and what kind?

I'd like to take couples vacations. Hopefully we'll take vacations as often as possible. I'd like to go to new places, places I've never seen before, so maybe something out of the country.

B.) How will we decide where to spend our holidays and vacations?

We will agree upon it.

C.) What customs and traditions do you see your future family taking part in? How do want to experience birthdays and holidays within your family and relationship?

I really have no customs or traditions, so we will most likely practice whatever customs my partner brings into the relationship. I've always thought of birthdays as big joyous occasions, so hopefully they can remain that way.

D.) How will you make certain that you spend alone time with your spouse, especially after children arrive? What specific plan can you offer that will get the job done?

Like I said before, dates will happen. Finding someone to care for the children when we have alone time shouldn't be a problem.

E.) What do you see you and your partner doing when you go out together without the children? What needs to be happening to prevent boredom on your part with your partner?

Hopefully something with the child in mind. I still like to go to parks, so I'll probably find myself taking my children to them often. I fell that I have the ultimate control over how bored I feel with someone, and I alone can be the one to change the way I feel. All it is is changing my mindset or doing something a little different to spice things up.

13. FINANCES AND PROPERTY-

A.) How will you decide on the contribution of each person to the total family income and support? Will it matter if one of you earns more than the other?

Each person could contribute what they can, and no, it doesn't matter to me if one person doesn't make as much as the other, just as long as all the bills get paid.

B.) What are my beliefs about spending and saving patterns and the use of credit cards? Do you consider yourself a "spender" or a "saver"?

I'm a heavy spender. I don't like credit cards, but they serve a necessary purpose. We will have them but use them very sparingly.

C.) What social class did you belong to while growing up and how has this affected your view of money?

I guess I would have been considered working class, but I don't really know how it has affected my view of money and spending patterns. I was a spoiled, only child, I think that has affected my views on money more that what social class I was when I was growing up.

D.) What are your financial goals for your marriage? Should we have joint or separate savings and checking accounts?

I'd like to work towards retirement for myself and my partner, I'd like to be financially secure as well. A joint account would probably be best since pooling of resources is my goal.

E.) Who will manage the family finances? How will we decide on a family budget? Who will pay the bills and make the investments? If one of us assumes this responsibility, how will that one keep the other informed about financial matters?

The more responsible (probably my partner) in the relationship should probably manage the resources. We'll work together on a budget and lobby for what we feel our funds should be allocated to

F.) Will there be any aspects of the financial tasks that one partner will be unskilled at or not participate in?

No, because the idea is to have both skilled in all areas so one can take over in the other's absence.

G.) What plans would you want to make to be certain that you can manage and get by if something happens to your spouse?

Insurance, in the event of emergency, and an easy way to move if taking care of our living situation becomes too difficult.

14. JOB AND CAREER-

A.) How do you feel about each partner having a job or career? Will one of the partners jobs or careers take priority over the other?

I like the idea of both partners having a steady form of income. Priority depends on what kind of Job/Careers we have at the time.

B.) How will you deal with career moves, including geographical relocation, especially if one of you does not want to relocate?

I don't think career moves are all that difficult, so that's almost a non-issue at this point, but if one of us does not want to go (an it would probably be me) we would need to find an alternative or suck it up and move.

C.) If you both work, how will it affect your decision on if and when to have children?

I don't think it will affect if and when we have children, but it will affect how we have chilren. It will definitely affect our duties within the household.

D.) How much time are you willing to give to your partners pursuit of a career? This can be pictured in different cycles of the marriage if helpful.

E.) What are your feelings about the family or partners living in one area, and one of both of you working in another city or area of some distance away?

I don't like long-distance relationships too much and I would make a way to bring me and my partner closer together.

F.) If your family does not need two wage earners, will you both work anyway? Can either of you consider staying home to take care of the children? Why or why not?

I would still like for both of us to work, I like to feel secure in case something happens and we really need the money. If we were extremely secure with one income within the household, I would be alright with one of us being a stay-home parent.

G.) What means and strategies will you use to plan for retirement?

Mutual funds (which I already have), and 401k's

15. SELECTING A PLACE OF LIVE-

A.) What type of housing do we want? How will we decide on our place of residence?

I've always wanted a two-story house, but we'll have to shop around for a while and dicide on what suits or lifestyle and income. And I want to own it, not rent

B.) How important are each of these factors to you: nearness to extended family, schools, work, conveniences of community services, the areas tax base, the overall safety and well-being of the neighborhood, the effect on your children's (if any) socialization and view of economics?

I think being near a family member is important in case we need someone to look after the children. Work isn't so important, but I'd like the children to be close to the school that they attend. Community services, tax base, and neighborhood safety are all usually related, and I'd like them all to be favorable, but perfection is not important. Let's say, I'd like my kids to be able to walk to school in safety. I really care how my children are socialized, there will probably be many conversations with them about it depending upon their maturity level.

C.) What do you believe is affordable?

It's affordable if you don't have to go hungry for a week after you pay for it. Whatever "it" may be.

D.) What is your preference for the size of the community where you will live. Are there community sizes that you would prefer not to live in? (both small and large)

I really have no preference about the size of the community that I live and raise my children in, just as long as my family is safe.

16. EXPECTATIONS- SELF AND SPOUSE-

(This is a catch all category to allow you to discuss any aspect not covered in the previous questions and to develop a kind of "Philosophy statement")

A.) When you become married you will become a husband or a wife. What do you expect of yourself as a husband or wife? (be specific about the behaviors) What do you expect of your spouse?

I want to be totally happy. I want to enjoy being around my partner. I Hope that I can have a partner that no matter how much they are around, it doesn;'t feel like they are smothering me or totally absent. I don't want to think about being with anyone else. And I want my partner to feel the same.

B.) What will you do if something happens that makes it so that your spouse can no longer perform the functions that you expect?

Adapt, adjust, and overcome, soldier.

C.) What expectations do you have for your spouse in the caring of your children should you die or become incapacitated?

I would hope that she could provide for them and show them all the love that would have been shoown them had I still been able to.

D.) What expectations do you have concerning the physical appearance of your spouse over the years?

I hope that she would take care of her health and emotional wellness, including physical appearance, and I, in return, would do the same for her.

E.) Is there any part of your current marriage picture that you think you would never, under any circumstances, consider changing?

No, I fully realize that any part of this could change, this is just a picture of how I feel now, at 22 years of age. Only time and experience will show me if I need to change my stance.

F.) What rights do we have as individuals?

In a relationship, we have a right to be happy and satisfied, physically, emotionally, and mentally. We have the right to speak our mind. We have the right to get our fair share. And we have the right to end the relationship if it is not able to be fixed.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Crosby, John F. (1985) Illusion and Disillusion: The Self in Love and Marriage. 3rd Edition. Wadsworth

Lamanna, M. & Riedmann, A. (1994) Marriage and Families, 5th edition. Wadsworth Pub.Co.

Pulver, John C. (1995) The Marriage Agreement. Unpublished manuscript.

Sargent, Alice G. (1985) Beyond Sex Roles New York: West Publishing

Schwartz, Mary Ann & Scott, Barbara Marliene. (1994) Marriages and families: Diversity and Change. Prentice-Hall.

Weitzman, Lenore J. (1981) The Marriage Contract: Spouses, lovers and the law. New York, Free Press.

Copyright 2001- John C. Pulver

antérieur? - ensuite?

donne moi un billet? ou signer mon guestbook?

my marraige picture project

Check me out!